Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My feet surprised me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
