I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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