Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
