WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
