I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
