I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Enjoy the penises
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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