I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
