I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
