i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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