I hate all girls vehemently.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
