did you get engaged???
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
