Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
