Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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