if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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