if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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