According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
