went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
