remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
