so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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