so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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