i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
