I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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