Got a toothbrush?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
