btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
