Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
