I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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