the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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