my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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