Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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