This is not my ceiling
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
