No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
