Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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