I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Randomize
