In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
True but thats because hes a fetus.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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