I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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