If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
