Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
