can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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