She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
