New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
