check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
