I'm eating all of the evidence.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
