I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
