and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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