Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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