so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
God, I missed his penis.
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