you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am one with the molecules
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
