If i come over, it means nothing
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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