we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
