She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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