The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize