So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
