i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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