My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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