I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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