they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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