Jerry, you need to find god
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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