oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
