community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
