So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
