I think my vagina is haunted
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is wine microwaveable?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
