Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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