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I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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