shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
