i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
