I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
