I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up under a house in Key West
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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