i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
