You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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