you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
