i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize