Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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